On my first day at ECCA, I remember wondering if my interactions were meaningful. If I wasn’t in constant verbal communication with the participants, was I even positively impacting their experience?
I was working in Adult Day Services – wanting to get to know everyone better by talking about favorite foods, bands and dog breeds. I was trying my best to engage all of the participants in the room but when the conversations would fall into a natural lull – my worry grew. It felt like I was grasping at straws to save conversations and bring up something new. Have you ever had this feeling? Caregivers of people living with dementia can feel the same pressure to constantly talk or “do” in order to connect or be helpful.
After that day and some reflection, I had a realization! If I don’t need verbal communication to enjoy time with my friends and family, why would people living with dementia? Later, after doing some independent research, I learned that companionship doesn’t have to include incessant talking and communication. In fact, for people living with dementia, too much verbal stimulation can be tiring or stressful. Let me elaborate!
Completing a fun activity, enjoying a meal together or sharing some laughs; having companionship is an important aspect to positive quality of life needed at any age or ability. It reduces loneliness, improves all aspects of health and provides someone to confide in. Who doesn’t love that! Older adults especially benefit from companionship. Research shows improved moods, decrease in social isolation and a stronger sense of purpose in older adults when they spend time with friends or family.
Communicating and finding the right words can feel difficult at times for persons living with dementia. A common misconception is that persons living with dementia need constant verbal communication to feel involved, maintain connection and have companionship. However, this is not the case! Constant verbal stimulation is not needed for your loved one to feel a part of a conversation or activity.
Support and connection can be offered through presence alone – without the exhaustion that comes from sustaining a conversation.
A way to establish connection between a carepartner and loved one in comfortable silence is through quiet companionship. Quiet companionship provides the company of another person while sitting in silence. Ways to practice quiet companionship could include:
- Working on a puzzle together side-by-side
- Listening to music from their youth
- Looking at magazines while sitting across from each other
- Going for a walk and enjoying the sounds of nature
I hadn’t heard the term quiet companionship until I began working at ECCA. I’ve always enjoyed and even preferred quiet companionship during stressful times or tired moments – to have the support from a loved one without the need to verbally communicate. This concept is applicable and also important for persons living with dementia. It provides support and friendship without the possible stress interactions and communication can bring.
ECCA staff, interns and volunteers use verbal communication to connect with the participants at Adult Day Services. However, they also emphasize the benefits of quiet companionship with walks outside, reading magazines, playing music during lunch and more.
According to a new study published by the National Library of Medicine, a quieting environment and intentional silence may help those with dementia feel more relaxed, less anxious, empathetic and more.
Not only can quiet companionship help ease the stress from persons living with dementia, it can also benefit the caregiver or carepartner. It allows the caregiver to offer support without feeling the need to fix, explain or entertain. It allows caregivers to simply be present and worry less about “doing enough.”
Many caregivers feel unsure about how to support a loved one with dementia when words don’t come easily. Quiet companionship can relieve some of that worry. The next time you go to interact with your loved one and feel the need to carry on a verbal conversation, consider providing quiet companionship through activities and time spent together.
Read more about quiet companionship on our Facebook Page post. If you are looking for more information related to dementia, we share stories, educational resources and tips on our Facebook page! Come join the conversation!
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